SatireWanted: World of Warcraft Gold FarmerWritten by Meg HealdPublished September 29, 2007
Live the exciting and fast-paced life of a World of Warcraft gold farmer! Visit beautiful Azeroth. Defeat powerful enemies and meet beautiful, scantily clad women. Tour the lush forests of Elwynn, the vast savannas of the Barrens, and the craggy peaks of the Bladespire Mountains. Soar across the skies on a magnificent gryphon or a skeletal bat ... and meet beautiful, scantily clad women. Do all this - without ever leaving our factory floor!
That's right, at our farm in industrial China, you'll be farming with the best of them. Put in fourteen-hour days and fully immerse yourself, mind and body, in this beautifully rendered and exhilarating fantasy world. In the game, you will get to exploit the system and rack up fake money, which you can then sell for real money. It's a win-win.
In this world, you must become as "leet" as is possible. Remember, the faster you get to 70, the greater rewards you will have access to. We keep our employees on a strict leveling schedule in order to maximize their farming capabilities. No worries - by the time you become a true gold farmer, you will know the ins and outs of the game by heart. Keeping your character on a roll will be no problem for a master gamer like you.
Of course, being a gold farmer has some amazing perks. You will take on some of the most legendary and terrifying foes in the history of game, and you will "totally pwn" them and reap the rewards. And while those beautiful, scantily clad women you meet may not be women on the other side of the screen, it doesn't matter when it's all pixels. So go ahead, ogle all you want!
However, there will be some great challenges as well. Keeping your activities off other people's radars will be a definite trial, and if you get reported to the GMs, or Game Masters, then you will probably lose your account. No worries, though; our farm has a three-strikes rule regarding account suspension. If your first account is found out and deleted, we will give you up to two more accounts with which to reap your digital bounty.
In addition, you must be certain to keep up with the skills and pace of the game to keep up appearances. Bad gamers are far more suspect as gold farmers than good players. For instance, if you roll a warrior and you can't "tank" or "draw aggro" to save your life, people are going to suspect your true intent. So learn to play, noob.
Sadly, we can only accept the best of the best when it comes to gold farmers. We need someone with obsessive attention to the game, as well as a working knowledge of the in-game mechanics and MMORPG slang. In addition, applicants must not be concerned about vision problems, chronic back pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, or the occasional seizure. Remember - it's for a good cause!
Your paycheck starts out at $120 a month. Don't knock it - this is actually a great income by Chinese standards. We even pay for all your work materials - the computer, the software, and the monthly account fee are all on us.
So if you're ready to quit that dead-end day job and start working in an ever-expanding, potentially illegal, and truly epic field, contact us today. We'll have you on your way to your new online lifestyle in no time.
Source: http://blogcritics.org/archives/2007/09/29/001017.php--
"If we ever get a dog and cat, they should be named "Come-on" and "Goddammit", so that when you yell "Come on, Goddammit!" you'll be surrounded by their love." -Locklear (paraphrased)
"You navigate like a blind chick." -Locklear
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